We’re walking along through the store, having a great time window shopping and here comes a store employee headed in our direction. He is sporting a big smile even though the look in his eye reads pure evil. I look around for an aisle I can dip into and hide from him, but it is too late. The employee already has the attention of my daughter
even though he is 20 feet away from us.
The employee finally reaches us. He drops down on one knee and hands my girl a balloon. As he stands up and flashes a big smile at me, somehow through the grinding of my teeth I manage to grunt, “Thank you.”
It is scenes like these every parent dreads. The balloon ends up floating around your house for days low to the ground like a house fly on the verge of death. Lucky for us, she lost her grip on the balloon as she got into the car and we had to listen to her scream all the way home for that damn pink balloon. Thank you, store employee guy! That was awesome. I was hoping I could have a shitty afternoon. It was long overdue.
Well, dads (and moms) … help is on the way!
Scientists (remember those guys?) now say that helium supplies are very low. We may run completely out of the gas in as little as 30 years. Helium is a non-renewable resource since it is a natural byproduct of petrochemicals. Helium is incredibly useful since it is odorless, tasteless, non-toxic and easy to handle. It also makes you sound funny and hence makes for great party jokes. Helium is a key cooling component in super refrigerators, nuclear reactors and MRI equipment.
Scientists say we are squandering this invaluable and irreplaceable resource all in the name of making a kid smile for 30 seconds right before the damn thing slips out of their hand and they end up screaming for 30 minutes.
In fact, professor Richardson estimates that the price of a single party balloon is much more expensive than you might think. He estimates that the gas inside a single party balloon may cost as much as $100.
Source: redOrbit (http://s.tt/17Lzs)
So… Mr. Car Salesman, Chuck E. Cheese manager, etc. etc. – You are being irresponsible with one of our most valuable and irreplaceable resources. This issue is greater than your desire to make a child smile only to be followed by a tantrum and leave us parents to bear the brunt of the problem as you walk off chuckling to yourself and talking about it amongst your coworkers in the break room as you all laugh at us and then go out for drinks after work and tell more people about how you made a kid cry and left some poor shlub to clean up the mess… ARRGGGHHHH!!!
I hate you.
And you know who else hates you?
SCIENTISTS!