Talking to children about diversity

I’m Puerto Rican. Well, technically, I’m of Puerto Rican decent. See, I was born in New York. My family is from Puerto Rico. UrbanDictionary would label me as a Nuyorican.

Growing up I noticed others around me were fascinated, sometimes over-concerned, with race and/or ethnicity. That never seemed to be the case with me. I felt peer-pressured into giving a damn about the color of one’s skin or their ethnic-origin, but, thankfully, that never stuck. I knew better. I felt the same way when it came to love. I just cared about finding the right person with whom I wanted to spend time with and, if that time came, spend the rest of my life with. The color of her skin or her family ancestry was of no importance to me. Thankfully, I found that person.

I remember when I first took my then-girlfriend, now-wife, to meet my family in New York City. She was white and Southern. She couldn’t have been any more different than me or anyone in my family. I stepped out with my uncle. When I returned I saw my baby cousins piled on top of her. My cousin’s little hands cupped her face as she stared into her eyes. ”Wow! You have blue eyes!” My wife says it felt like a scene out of Pocahontas.

Fast-forward 12 years or so. My wife picked up our 3-year old from daycare. On the ride home our daughter says, “Mama, is the lady on the radio black?” My wife takes a deep breath. ”The girl in my class is not the same color as me. She’s the same color as my teacher.” My wife breathes in deeper. Our daughter continues… “I’m the same color as you. Papi’s the same color as my other friend in school.” Finally, my wife exhales, cracks her knuckles and decides now is as good a time as any to have the race talk.

Carmen’s world has been diverse from the very start. Her mother is white. Her father is Hispanic. Many of my family members barely speak English. We have New Yorkers with thick accents. We have Southerns with accents so thick I can barely understand them. Most of the kids in her daycare are black and/or living in homeless shelters. (My wife works with the homeless.) Whenever we bought her a babydoll from Target she would almost always gravitate towards the black babydolls. We wanted her to be “difference blind.” We thought things were working itself out on its own. We were both ignorant and wrong.

It is important to talk to your children about the differences in people. It will avoid an awkward conversation such as this was. You should highlight the differences with praiseful words using age-appropriate language. Use words like special or unique. And the conversation doesn’t need to be limited to race. You can talk about other “hot button” issues like religions, poverty and homelessness, weight and, even, homosexuality, should you choose to do so. Many times we underestimate how capable our children are and how powerful our words may hold weight in their little worlds.

The sooner you can make the idea of a diverse population normal for them, the better off they can function in the outside world. Imagine if we can enter the really real world armed with information and understanding. Imagine instead of teasing on the playground, you can appreciate the cultural diversity of the other children. No more hateful, hurtful language based on one’s looks, type of hair, color of skin, accents or struggles with the English language, clothes that may be worn for religious or cultural reasons? I always find it sad when I hear adults use such language. Who is to blame when they are carrying over the thoughts and beliefs their parents taught them from a young age?

So teach your children to embrace a diverse world. You’ll make sure he or she continues to be an awesome kid and can continue on to being an even awesomer adult!

Christopher J. Metzler, Ph.D. said it best over at PBS Parents:

Parents teach children how to brush their teeth, to comb their hair, to be responsible and to be successful. We do so by introducing and reinforcing behavior that helps achieve these goals. We should do the same when it comes to appreciating diversity. It is only then that we can move from tolerance to acceptance.

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Here’s my tweet from July 22, 2011 and the video I was reacting to: