My wife likes to tell me she didn’t marry a wimp. She says she married a guy with a tough exterior and an attitude to match. I look at our wedding pictures fairly often to make sure I’m the one she’s talking about.
But, putting aside my self-deprecating tendencies, I guess I was Mr. Tough Guy back in the day. I was fearless and erratic to the point that, at times, those qualities produced disastrous results. You can’t fault a guy for trying, though.
The other night I finally realized that my tough guy persona was eroding quicker than I had thought. I was up late, which seems to be the norm nowadays since I’m trying to close out the semester, when I heard a noise in the backyard. I decided to investigate, so I searched around for a flashlight. I had trouble locating one when I remembered Carmen had a few in her toy box. I reached into her toy box, pulled out the first one I could find and rushed to the back of the house.
Señor Tough Guy stepped out the backdoor with our big dog flashing the light throughout the backyard. Fortunately, it turned out to be nothing. After exploring every nook and cranny of our humble city yard, I went back in the house. And then it happened… I looked down at the flashlight. It was pink with a Hello Kitty graphic on it. I thought, Seriously, dude?! This is what you were going to defend your family and home with? A pink Hello Kitty flashlight?
I had to hide all the flashlights, because at age 2 or so she became obsessed with them. She would go around the house with one in each hand. Try explaining to a 2 year old that flashlights are only used when necessary. Uh, baby, you know those are for… Ah, whatever…Here, knock yourself out.
With her I am quick to fold. My dad, mom, and, even, coworkers used to make fun of me for how visibly in love I was with my wife to be, but never have I been so head over heels for anyone other than my wife. With Carmen, I instantly turn to mush. All of a sudden the beard, the broad chest, the biceps, whatever… all gone and I’m left eating a pretend cookie and drinking pretend lemonade while changing a doll’s diaper.
As she grows up we get into deeper topics. Instead of asking simple questions like what’s for dinner, she now asks about things that I need to search Wikipedia for. I am met with lots of whys as she tries to get a grasp of her place and purpose on this planet. I welcome every question and every conversation, because I want to help her find her way. I also don’t mind showing off that big brain of hers in front of others. *Fistpump*
The other day we were driving and she saw a picture of Spiderman. “Look, Papi! It’s Spiderman!”
One, I was proud of myself for teaching her the ways of my people – comic book people. Two, I saw this as an opportunity to promote gender equality.
“Did you know there’s a Spider-Woman, too?” I Googled it when we got home and showed her a picture of the MC2 Spider-Woman. She seemed to be empowered with this new nugget of wisdom. She went to school the next day armed with this information and challenged her friend.
“Uh-huh! There is, too, a Spider-Woman! My papi showed me a picture of her on his phone! And she crawls walls and shoots webs just like Spiderman does!”
Heck, yeah! *Fistpump*
So, I guess I still am a tough guy after all. It takes a strong man to raise a family and to let go of any preconceived notions he may have of himself. It takes a strong man to put food on the table, read bed time stories, play pirates in the bathtub, kiss boo-boos and arm them with useless bits of information to show up the kid in the class who thought he knew it all.
You could view me as Mr. Softie, but understand that I wouldn’t trade this life for the world. And if I need to jab an intruder in the throat with a Hello Kitty flashlight, well, so be it.